Burrito brawl!

Now this is taking your love of burritos too far. Read this article right here.

WASHINGTON -- The Metropolitan Police Department is investigating an early-morning fight that supposedly started over a burrito.

Police said a man inside the store didn't have enough money to pay for his burrito and left the store to get more. While he was outside, another of the store's patrons decided to buy that burrito.

News4 talked to that patron, who didn't want to be identified. He said when the man came back into the store, he became livid that someone had bought his burrito and the fight escalated from there.

Now this is where a reasonable person would just say "hey, so I didn't get the burrito this time. I'll just go to Taco Bell."

Well, not this bunch of trash. Because to lowlifes, even a burrito is worth going to war over. Here's where it gets good....

Police said the fight then spilled outside the store and at some point, the girlfriend of the original purchaser opened a car door and released a 75- to 80-pound pit bull, which bit three men, including an innocent bystander.

Cmdr. Larry McCoy said people have to maintain a dog on a leash, and if someone did release the dog they could face criminal charges as well.

Fighting over a fucking burrito! A fucking 7-11 BURRITO! It's not like it was a soft taco or a gordita supreme. It was a 7/11 burrito! How desperately hopeless and worthless can people possibly be?

My solution - There were 4 people and a pitbull involved. Take the burrito back into 7-11, put it in the microwave. Take it out, slice it up five ways. Hand each of the bums their chunk of the burrito. Now they should all have at least enough of this "burrito from god" to tide them over until they get to the local supermarket to shoplift some.

But that's not the end.

For acting so stupid, there should be an extremely harsh penalty. First, all parties involved would be locked in the store. Even the dog. Next, they would be chained to the wall. After that, we would acquire some slingshots, hundreds of frozen burritos, a dozen pitbulls used in dogfights, and a few bottles of hot sauce. The punishment would be smearing hot sauce in their eyes, then pelting them with frozen burritos until blood flowed, bruises and welts showed up, and bones broke. After they plead for mercy, we unchain them and laugh at them as they collapse on the floor. Then it's the pitbulls turn. Unleash the hounds on these piles of human waste and let the "burrito lovers" fend for themselves. Keep them locked in the store for a few minutes, then when they are all but dead, open it up and let them out. When they get out, all bloody, broken and chewed up, We'll giv'em each a burrito - a burrito stuffed with chihuahua shit from that dog in the Taco Bell commercials.

I don't think any of these idiots would ever fight over something as stupid as a burrito again.