I need Obama to answer these questions for me. I'm confused.

Considering that Barack Obama - aka "The Messiah" - is the keeper of all wisdom, I was hoping he would be able to answer a simple question for me. Am I a "typical white person?"

Well I thought I'd give a rundown of my crackeriffic day, and maybe, just maybe, The Messiah himself would miraculously sense that I am a white guy in desperate need of knowing just how white I am? Well Barack, here's what I did today, so let me know if I'm a typical white person, you know, kinda like your whitey-white grammy that raised your ass....

Action #1) 6:31am - alarm clock/cell phone blares the theme to Rocky. Time to wake up. Or maybe not. I hit snooze and got my ass up about 15 minutes later.

Question to Messiah - I'd think that the "typical white person," you know, greedy, selfish, and stuff, would NEVER hit snooze on their cell phone. After all, they've got to get an early jump on stealing from the poor and oppressing minorities. So, does my "snoozing" make me an abnormal whitey? Or am I typical because I have theme to Rocky - a movie about a white guy - as my alarm, to counteract my non-white snoozing? And if I snoozed and had the theme to Shaft on there, would I be REALLY not white, and maybe even kinda sorta black?

Action #2) Sat at work from from 8am-10, then went on break. While on break, I smoked a Marlboro Light, which we all know are very typical white people cigs. 

Question to Messiah - What I'm wondering is if the fact that I took a break (very UNWHITE, can't stop stealing and oppressing, remember) make me not white, or does this again balance out because when I took my unwhite break, I smoked a white guy cigarrette? AND, what if I had taken a break and smoked a Newport? Would I be as cool as Snoop Dogg? Or if I'm lucky, Jay-Z? Or would I STILL be a typical cracker? How does this balance out? Let me know.

Action #3) 1pm - Went to lunch. Microwave dinner. Can of Mt. Dew. And for the life of me, I don't know what that makes me. I'm pretty darn sure I'm not"ultra-white" for that, because those whites are wearing suits and going out to "business lunches" where they talk about stock, bonds, slush funds, and of course, how to steal from the poor and oppress minorities. But on the other hand, I did sit at a table full of whites, unintentionally snubbing the blacks in the room, which could definitely make me a blatant racist. Barack, what do you think?

Action #4) About 3:30pm. Time for another break. But, on the way out, I notice a box with Donato's pizza in it. Yeah, it's not mine, but I love Donatos. So whatever, I just grabbed a corner piece and inhaled it. Now, stealing a piece of pizza isn't white, only stealing things like pensions are, BUT, and this is a huge but, the girl that bought the pizza was (gasp) A BLACK WOMAN! Quite a dilemna here. Does me swiping a slice of Donatos, which is very UNWHITE, balance out the fact that I took it from a minority? And how does that fact that I took a small corner piece instead of a larger middle piece matter? How does this weigh out, Barack, since you know, you're the expert on "typical white people."

Action #5) Time to go home. Clocked out when I was supposed to, walked to my car, left. Drove home, cussed at traffic a little, went left-of-center briefly to get to a turn lane as fast as possible because I spotted some minorities in the area, and all of us whites know that 100% of them just carjack people and stuff like that. So after all that, I finally arrived home to my whitey-white house, thus ending my typical whitey day.........or.......was it really a whitey day? Barack......I don't have an expensive car. AND....I smoked another Marlboro light on the way home. And I even dared to go left-of-center (more non-pension-stealing-lawbreaking) in my incredibly average car to get home. What does this mean? Barack.....AM I one of the typical white people you were talking about when you made this statement, which if was said by a white person about blacks, would have caused a shitstorm that would include calls for his or her resignation? Oh, let me know, oh wise one. After all, you are "The Messiah," the "keeper of all wisdom," the "Italian Stallion....er wait, nevermind. That last one was Rocky. (A movie about a white guy, remember) Guess that was just another whitey-white goof up on my part. My bad. Just let me know, Barack. I'm curious. And I need your priceless input.

(God I just love double-standards. Can you imagine if John McCain EVER uttered the phrase "typical black person" in any context????)

And does anyone else find it just fucked up that this phony bastard (Obama) has thrown his grandmother under the bus twice now?????? Dude. That's just wrong.